When my Spouse won’t Change!

 Written by Netisha Alie-Grant 

(Author Inspirational Book Walking a Two-Way Street) 

“Prevention is better than cure.” -A statement commonly used in the medical field to encourage persons to prevent themselves from contracting a disease instead of actually being infected, since it would require a lot more effort to cure the disease.  However,  for those who have passed the “prevention” stage and are already married, thus need a cure: this is for you.

 

Listen to Podcast 

So you are already married but your spouse is showing you a side of them you really need them to change. And with all your efforts to communicate that, they simply just aren’t having it.

What do you do? 

I have three suggestions for you: 

Let’s begin with the most common love scripture in the Bible after The Songs of Solomon. (Please check it out if you haven’t) 

1 Corinthians 13: verses 4 through 7 

“4 Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. 5 It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. 6 It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. 7 Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].”

Are any of these descriptions of love reflected in your marriage? Knowing what love is from our scriptural reference above let’s reflect on the behavior we’d like our spouse to change so badly and ask ourselves the following questions:

1. Does that behavior stop me from Loving my spouse?
2. How many times have we disregarded what God has asked us to do but He is still there being PATIENT with us? 

Understanding that people can’t be forced to change, only God and themselves can do the changing, trying to encourage them to do so would be a good place to start. 

[Disclaimer: This is not a post that condones accepting sinful behaviours in marriage.]

Then attempt these three practical responses 

1. Accept (accept them for who they are or the habit they possess) Acceptance brings you to a place of almost being unbothered and is likely to give you peace about the situation. Simply come to terms with it for what it apparently is. Which is most likely a habit or part of the person’s personality. 
2. Adapt ( if you can accept it then adapt to it) Instead of fighting this undesirable behaviour from your spouse and getting frustrated over it, decide on how you can work with it or go around it. For example, hubby leaves the toilet seat up. Don’t get angry about that, he needs it up, and you need it down. So instead of stressing over him leaving the toilet seat up, simply put it down to use it or build another one for yourself if you can afford to! Lol! Yes, I said it! Adapt: if you can’t go through it, then go around it! 
3. Appreciate (see the desirable things they do and magnify them, shifting your focus from frustration to gratitude ) Taking these three steps is not just to make things easier for your spouse but it also helps YOU! When you choose to focus and celebrate the great things in the marriage, you are likely creating a better environment to yield the compromises and changes you want. This is healthy for you, your spouse, and your marriage. 

Managing conflict in your marriage doesn’t always have to be a fight, sometimes Love, as Paul stated in 1 Corinthians 13, endures all things with patience. 

Lastly, Please be patient with that version of your person in this season. As life takes us through different seasons, it brings out different versions of us. Sometimes your spouse's behaviour could be a reaction to something they are dealing with something that they haven’t gotten brave enough to share with you.

So be that LOVE Paul describes, in 1 Corinthians, you never know, your spouse might just change for the better in the process. 

#CestBonSoundsGood 

Listen to a song called Love by Travis Greene 

Link: https://youtu.be/EzIL7rfHtPg.  

Listen to the podcast episode on this piece here: https://anchor.fm/netishaaliegrant/episodes/35-When-your-spouse-wont-change-e1fi7u0

Why are some people afraid of Baptism?

 “...REPENT FOR THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS AT HAND...” 

The words of one of the most fearless figures of the Bible: John The Baptist. (see Matthew 3:2) 

John’s Ministry was transformation and preparation for the coming saviour Jesus Christ whom he would later baptize. 

So what is BAPTISM and why is it so significant to the Christian believer?

Miracle Ministries International Baptism

(Please feel free to click the ads in this article to help me share great content to an even wider audience)

Baptism: a common practice amongst Christian denominations, though done differently amongst the same, signifies a public declaration of one’s decision to begin a new (Changed & Transformed) life in Christ. The term itself is rooted in the Greek Baptizo which means to cleanse by dipping or submerging an item. Once done the item is then placed in a different source to change it into something new. This can be down by bleaching a garment then dying it in a new color or with a vegetable. (biblestudytools.com)  

So why are some people fearful of doing it? 

I’ve come across quite a few people who give their hearts to God openly in front of the church during service but would quickly shy away from the idea of getting baptized. 

Noting this trend I decided to ask a few converts why they “feared” Baptism. The consensus was simple; Baptism meant serious business.-That they had truly chosen a life with Christ and that there was no turning back. 

Though this was quite true, this signifies water Baptism. Many believe that surrendering to God isn’t as serious as getting baptized but it actually is.-Spiritual Baptism! 

We are told in order to receive the gift of salvation we must receive Jesus as our  savior and we are saved from the second death which is eternal fire in hell. Hence if you give your heart to God but return to you sinful life a few days later simply because you didn’t get baptized is very wrong. Perhaps even an oxymoron. 

 

 

Paul explains it to the Romans in this way; “ That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.” –Romans 10:9-10

 

Another common scripture is John 3:1 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only son that whoever BELIEVES in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.”

So by making the declaration while praying the prayer of salvation you ARE taking the step to be in a relationship with God and accepting a life of change and transformation hence you WILL be held accountable. 

 

Therefore it makes not since to boldly give your heart to Christ, profess your belief in Him but avoid getting baptized thinking that it’s not that serious. This belief is equivalent to agreeing to be in a relationship with someone without marriage because you somehow believe it gives you leeway to ‘play the field’ while still getting all the benefits of a marriage. 

Whether it is fear of commitment, the lies that you will fail or the misconception of this walk with Christ, please know that once you declare it, believe in Him and receive Him it is already done. So going against that is crucifying Christ all over again. 

 

“and who have fallen away, to be brought back to repentance. To their loss they are crucifying the son of God all over again and subjecting Him to public disgrace.” -Hebrews 6:6

 

With that, I take this opportunity to congratulate the 18 newly baptized who took the bold step of faith on Saturday 19^thSeptember 2020 after a 5 day fast at Miracle Ministries International.